Who's back you say? Caught up in the frenzied excitement of me running around the room screaming "They're back!!!", as if I could run, which I can't.
"They're back!!!" I scream again like a middle aged gay man at the reunion concert for Spandau Ballet.
"They're back!!!" I scream like a Sydney Swans supporter surprised by my team's sudden ranking #1 at the top of the AFL.
"They're back!!!" I scream like an ageing Olivia Newton-John fan retrieving her leggings from a box at the back of the garage marked "80s exercise gear DNR"
Who's back? I hear your exasperated (is that even a word?) pleading.
Well only the Continental ad family. That's who. Not that I ever gave up hope. Though to be fair they've lost their old sparkle. It's like they're just going through the motions in front of the cameras. Maybe it's a contractual obligation. Or maybe the father's straying to the Telstra family Xmas ads has lead him to tone down the paternal bonhomie. But I hope he's just bowed and not broken.
Roast Chicken in a Bag. Genius. They're back!!!
Wednesday, 26 May 2010
Friday, 5 March 2010
I Heart You, I Heart Me, Hiatus
It is almost 12 months since my last posting on Madbreak (well, 5mins if you include the three below). There is a good reason for this. On April 2 2009 I went into hospital, with a slight cold, where I stayed for about 8 months. Since then I haven't really been that interested in blogging, but I feel it is now time to unleash my medication fuelled insights on the media on an unsuspecting world.
I have just added some posts I put up on Posterous which I will include here for continuity. I watched a lot of television in hospital (at $4.50 a day that cost me over $1000 for a dicky CRT that only showed free to air analog channels, thank God for morphine based pain killers). The most notable development in the advertising world was the appearance and then sudden disappearance of the storyline Continental family. I miss them. I blame the networks. I blame the advertsers. But mostly I blame the drugs.
Continental Drift
You know who I miss? That family from the series of Continental ads from 2009. He was some sort of tradie/subcontractor and she was from the right side of the tracks. It was an Uptown Girl/Downtown Guy romance. There were two kids. Dad & son were always out playing cricket or footy. The girl, Emma, had "her (favourite tv) show" whose title we were never told, presumably because the ads were shown across different channels. I'm guessing it was Idol. In the end though things were falling apart, her mother "The Dragon" thought she had married beneath herself. Despite cooking her heart out with dishes like Continental Past Bake (just add water and bake) there was something wrong. Things were tight money-wise.The ads stopped suddenly and we weren't told why. And then we saw the father in Telstra ads over Xmas. In an even more upmarket house/family. No wonder he was broke supporting two families.
He'll only be happy though with a girl from his own socioeconomic class - maybe a barmaid from Rooty Hill RSL where I'm guessing he drinks after work. Or with me, I like 'em a bit chunky ;)
What does all this prove: Continental, you can't sell Cup-A-Soup to the middle classes (except when they're at Uni).
He'll only be happy though with a girl from his own socioeconomic class - maybe a barmaid from Rooty Hill RSL where I'm guessing he drinks after work. Or with me, I like 'em a bit chunky ;)
What does all this prove: Continental, you can't sell Cup-A-Soup to the middle classes (except when they're at Uni).
Side Effects Include Incredulity
Ads in Australia for pseudo medicine are rife. Three that spring to mind are an ad for lemon detox that claims to aid weight loss, another for a mattress containing magnets for back pain and a third claiming to “support” IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). In all cases no medical information supporting the claims is given (apart from vaguely described “surveys” in the small print) and it’s fair to say there is none. The term “support” seems to have been invented when, in a rare moment of action, the AAS banned companies from unproven claims for their products as “cures”. There are also products claiming to “support” female and male fertility. A product either increases, decreases or has no effect on fertility, it does not support it. The only time you support your children is after they are born, not before they are conceived. Unless you have a fertility problem that needs addressing by a doctor then eating healthily is all you need to support your fertility. Supplements such as folic acid already address specific prenatal risks such as spina bifida. Similarly the liver and kidneys are superb detox organs that have evolved over 100s of millions of years. Liver and kidney failure are serious diseases that need to be addressed by a doctor, not a sippy, lemony drink.
In the US, frequently and unfairly derided for being a litigious society, no company would dare make such claims. Indeed in advertisements for anything vaguely medical they must list honestly and in detail any side effects noticed in studies or tests. This can sometimes have an unintended hilarious consequence where, for example, an anti-nausea medicine might possibly induce nausea or fat replaced chips lead to “anal leakage”.
Sadly in Australia no such requirements exist and while genuine medicines and treatments are exempted from full disclosure, let alone bogus ones, I can still lie in a magnetic bed sipping lemon detox. Who knows, the weight loss from sipping the latter may help reduce the back pain I seek relief from in buying the former. But I doubt it.
Disclosure: The author is a doctor. But not that sort of doctor.
In the US, frequently and unfairly derided for being a litigious society, no company would dare make such claims. Indeed in advertisements for anything vaguely medical they must list honestly and in detail any side effects noticed in studies or tests. This can sometimes have an unintended hilarious consequence where, for example, an anti-nausea medicine might possibly induce nausea or fat replaced chips lead to “anal leakage”.
Sadly in Australia no such requirements exist and while genuine medicines and treatments are exempted from full disclosure, let alone bogus ones, I can still lie in a magnetic bed sipping lemon detox. Who knows, the weight loss from sipping the latter may help reduce the back pain I seek relief from in buying the former. But I doubt it.
Disclosure: The author is a doctor. But not that sort of doctor.
A Tale of Two Books
Consider the opening lines of two books written a century apart about the Italian Renaissance. They vigorously demonstrate how the style of popular historians has changed from pseudo-academic lecturing to one that seeks to involve the reader with the sights, sounds and smells of an era, albeit one that is largely manufactured in the author's own imagination. The other difference between the two books is that only the former is available for the kindle, perhaps because it is an out of copywrite "classic". I know which one I want to read.
Jacob Burckhardt "The Civilisation of the Renaissance"
"This work bears the title of an essay in the strictest sense of the
the word. No one is more conscious than the writer with what limited
means and strength he has addressed himself to a task so arduous...zzzz"
JH.Plumb "The Italian Renaissance"
"The face of medieval Europe was scarred with the ruins of its past. In
Rome itself, the Colosseum housed the barbarous Frangipani and their
armed retainers, greedy, lawless, destructive; the Forum provided a
quarry for churches and rough pasture for the cattle market, and
beneath the broken columns of the temple of Castor and Pollux the
bullocks awaited their slaughter."
Jacob Burckhardt "The Civilisation of the Renaissance"
"This work bears the title of an essay in the strictest sense of the
the word. No one is more conscious than the writer with what limited
means and strength he has addressed himself to a task so arduous...zzzz"
JH.Plumb "The Italian Renaissance"
"The face of medieval Europe was scarred with the ruins of its past. In
Rome itself, the Colosseum housed the barbarous Frangipani and their
armed retainers, greedy, lawless, destructive; the Forum provided a
quarry for churches and rough pasture for the cattle market, and
beneath the broken columns of the temple of Castor and Pollux the
bullocks awaited their slaughter."
Thursday, 12 March 2009
Three's a Crowd
Estimating the number of people at any march or event with political overtones is a thankless task for the police who these days usually just give into the organisers inflated figures to keep the peace. After all does it really matter if 10,000 people or 30,000 people attended a rally? I once considered setting up an company which would independently estimate the numbers attending rallies and marches and charge the organisers for being able to provide reliable figures. Then I realised the flaw in this plan. The organisers have no interest in a reliable estimate. From their point of view the more the merrier.
In fact ever since Jesus claimed to have fed 5000 people with enough food for 50 the controversies have raged. The organisers of the Million Man March in Washington DC in 1995 estimated that 1.5-2m people attended whereas the D.C. Park Service estimated 837,000 (+-20%) based on aerial photographs. Amid claims of racism and threats to sue the Park Service never provided estimates of marcher numbers ever again. But they stuck to their original estimate nonetheless.
One such figure I have been a bit obsessed with for years is the Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardis Gras. The attendance figure at the parade has been variously quoted as between 300,000 and 1 million people (the latter in the heady days of the pre-Howard government Gay-B-C). It seems to have settled down to 400,000 this year.
I happen to think its relatively easy to come up with a ball park figure in this case. The Mardi Gras Parade route is about 1500m long. If you allow 2 spectators per metre (remember gay people are thinner so can more easily bunch up) on each side then this is 6000 people at the front of the parade. Based on photos I have seen in the thickest parts of the parade (in terms of numbers, not where the people from Newtown stand) the crowd is about 20 deep and about 10 deep in others so lets say 15 deep on average on both sides. So thats 15 x 2 x 2 x 1500 = 90,000 people. Allowing for various late arrivals and a generous margin for error lets say 120,000. Far less than the 400,000 claimed by the organisers. In fact for the organisers figure to be accurate would require the crowd to be over 50 deep on either side.
Of course it would be churlish of anyone to play into the hands of the bigots and contradict the official figure. Even the police are avowedly on the side of the participants. Yes it would take a brave blogger indeed to stand up, to count and be counted (even a gay one like yours truly).
In fact ever since Jesus claimed to have fed 5000 people with enough food for 50 the controversies have raged. The organisers of the Million Man March in Washington DC in 1995 estimated that 1.5-2m people attended whereas the D.C. Park Service estimated 837,000 (+-20%) based on aerial photographs. Amid claims of racism and threats to sue the Park Service never provided estimates of marcher numbers ever again. But they stuck to their original estimate nonetheless.
One such figure I have been a bit obsessed with for years is the Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardis Gras. The attendance figure at the parade has been variously quoted as between 300,000 and 1 million people (the latter in the heady days of the pre-Howard government Gay-B-C). It seems to have settled down to 400,000 this year.
I happen to think its relatively easy to come up with a ball park figure in this case. The Mardi Gras Parade route is about 1500m long. If you allow 2 spectators per metre (remember gay people are thinner so can more easily bunch up) on each side then this is 6000 people at the front of the parade. Based on photos I have seen in the thickest parts of the parade (in terms of numbers, not where the people from Newtown stand) the crowd is about 20 deep and about 10 deep in others so lets say 15 deep on average on both sides. So thats 15 x 2 x 2 x 1500 = 90,000 people. Allowing for various late arrivals and a generous margin for error lets say 120,000. Far less than the 400,000 claimed by the organisers. In fact for the organisers figure to be accurate would require the crowd to be over 50 deep on either side.
Of course it would be churlish of anyone to play into the hands of the bigots and contradict the official figure. Even the police are avowedly on the side of the participants. Yes it would take a brave blogger indeed to stand up, to count and be counted (even a gay one like yours truly).
Monday, 2 March 2009
Omerta and a Question of Loyalty
Loyalty Cards are a modern plague. I remember years ago working on American Express's loyalty program and thinking noone would be stupid enough to fall for such an obvious ploy. After all why would they give something away unless they expected to get more back and if everyone had identical loyalty programs it would be the consumer who would foot the bill.
How wrong I was and loyalty programs infect all levels of commerce now. Supermarket loyalty cards are particularly pernicious as it not just possible to avoid them by not getting one. Everytime you shop you will be asked if you have one. In the UK (but not yet Australia) it is not just enough to fail to answer: "Do you have a Tescoes card?" in the affirmative (Surely if you ask me a question unrelated to the commercial transaction we are undertaking I have a right to ignore your personal questions and you can take that as a "no" if you wish). They will continue to ask you even if you try any of the following (which I have) (a) ignore them, (b) pretend your iPod is on high and you cant hear them, (c) really, really ignore them. I wondered about this and eventually asked one of the regular cashiers at my local Tesco whom I had been in a war of attrition with for several years. Sometimes he took my prolonged silence as a "no" and sometimes I gave in after repeated questioning and aswered explicitly. I am sure it was wearying for both of us. And the answer: I was shocked to discover that the cashiers are paid a (derisory) bonus of a couple of hundred pounds a year to try to get customers to sign up and Tesco sends in secret operatives to check that they dont just take silence as a no.
Why would they care so much? Because saying "no" everytime is a negative response and most people prefer to avoid being negative. The ironic thing is that supermarket loyalty cards arent actually designed to increase loyalty through rewards. As I correctly surmised all those years ago this is a zero sum game. What the supermarket really wants is a database of your shopping purchases so they can target you with offers aimed at increasing your share-of-wallet. What is wrong with this you ask? Well like any private data is it is yours to give freely and coercing you into signing up for a loyalty program by harassing you at the till everytime you buy something is extremely unethical.
I often fantasised about wearing a t-shirt I could point at when asked that just said "No I dont have a fucking Tescoe's card".
How wrong I was and loyalty programs infect all levels of commerce now. Supermarket loyalty cards are particularly pernicious as it not just possible to avoid them by not getting one. Everytime you shop you will be asked if you have one. In the UK (but not yet Australia) it is not just enough to fail to answer: "Do you have a Tescoes card?" in the affirmative (Surely if you ask me a question unrelated to the commercial transaction we are undertaking I have a right to ignore your personal questions and you can take that as a "no" if you wish). They will continue to ask you even if you try any of the following (which I have) (a) ignore them, (b) pretend your iPod is on high and you cant hear them, (c) really, really ignore them. I wondered about this and eventually asked one of the regular cashiers at my local Tesco whom I had been in a war of attrition with for several years. Sometimes he took my prolonged silence as a "no" and sometimes I gave in after repeated questioning and aswered explicitly. I am sure it was wearying for both of us. And the answer: I was shocked to discover that the cashiers are paid a (derisory) bonus of a couple of hundred pounds a year to try to get customers to sign up and Tesco sends in secret operatives to check that they dont just take silence as a no.
Why would they care so much? Because saying "no" everytime is a negative response and most people prefer to avoid being negative. The ironic thing is that supermarket loyalty cards arent actually designed to increase loyalty through rewards. As I correctly surmised all those years ago this is a zero sum game. What the supermarket really wants is a database of your shopping purchases so they can target you with offers aimed at increasing your share-of-wallet. What is wrong with this you ask? Well like any private data is it is yours to give freely and coercing you into signing up for a loyalty program by harassing you at the till everytime you buy something is extremely unethical.
I often fantasised about wearing a t-shirt I could point at when asked that just said "No I dont have a fucking Tescoe's card".
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