Pump it Out

Coca Cola Amatil has a new soft-drink called "Pumped". I can't quite reproduce that since the "Pump" and "ed" are in different colours. I saw this on the side of a bus which beats surgical cancer scars for a change. I also read the smallprint which was that CCA had trademarked the words"Pump" and "Pumped". Given that this flavoured lolly water is hardly likely to revolutionise the densely packed space of soft-drinks it is safe to assume that all the cost will go into advertising and legal battles to rightfully reclaim the word "pumped" from unliscensed general usuage and return it to Coke - its now rightful owners.

Sitch Bank?

Which bank released one-page ads in the weekend press stating that they would suspend interest payments for householders affected by the Victorian bushfires?

So why then did the ads appear in the national press if they were aimed solely at Victorians? To maximise positive coverage out of a natural disaster. Surely not.

Bushfire Survivor - Who Stays and Who Goes - You Decide.

Commercial news coverage of the bushfires in Australia have all the hallmarks of a branding exercise based on reality tv production values. I wouldn't be suprised if the following are happening:

• production assistants interviewing survivors and firefighters for suitable stories
• survivors auditioning to have their stories told
• editorial meetings where potential stories are discussed and shortlisted
• in depth interviews arranged with network talking heads
• test audience to provide feedback to select final stories for evening broadcast

The purpose of news programs is not just to provide advertising revenue but as a platform for brand loyalty by emphasising the fake values of the monolithic corporate behemoth like "trust", "reliability", "family values" and "entertainment". Disasters and celebrity funerals seem to provide the perfect platform for reinforcing these values and building brand loyalty during the long lean times of the early stages of the football season.

Foxtel Drops the Ball

Foxtel are tailoring their overpriced cable packages to fit these straightened times. An ad on tv last night showed a Foxtel person appearing at the door of a couple.

He: you know Lucy we agreed to tighten our belts. [holds out oversized trousers, cue laugh track]
She: [looks sheepish] well it's not as much as you think, Ricky
He: [getting angry] Well how much is it?
She: The first month is free and it's only a 12 month contract. [recoils from expected slap]

Now wait a darn minute - how is that an answer to his question? It reminds me of an episode of I Love Lucy where Lucille Ball buys a new sofa without asking her husband, Ricky's, permission and he is understandably apoplectic that she has done something so transgressive and emasculating so when he asks how much it costs she replies "not nearly as much as the golf clubs you bought last month" at which point he, predictably, flies into a rage, and threatens to kill her thus subverting the dominant masculine/submissive female discourse through the use of performative clowning, a laugh track and the ironic use of the phrase "why I outta...". Maybe the Foxtel ad writers are paying homage to this classic feminist 50s sitcom.

Or answer (b) it could be because of the confusion that reigns in the Foxtel universe. The small print at the end of the ad said $440 which is $40/month for 11 months. On the other hand a flyer which fell out of my Sunday newspaper said $800 for 12 months. Their website says $440.

This Blog Could Seriously Damage Your Health

Smokers in Australia are confronted with photos of diseased limbs and organs on the packets of their luscious devilsticks. Like most smokers I have learnt to ignore them so I question their value apart from making a few sanctimonious "health care professionals" feel like they have a role in life telling other people what to do. [Takes deep drag on fag to calm down].

In reality the purpose of these pictures is not to educate or warn but to associate negative images with smoking. To this end the images don't need to be of cancerous lungs or emphasymic children or anything related to smoking but could just as well be images of anything a bit sick and gruesome. And since diseased organs no longer have the same impact they need to up the repulsion factor to get us smokers to take notice. Some possibilities:

1. a large pile of vomit
2. dismembered kittens
3. Julie Bishop

I know, I know, that last one is a pretty extreme but they need to think out of the box (or packet).